This morning I was awoken by a very angry, very shrill screech and whining from a very adorable, very short, brunette with big blue eyes at the foot of my bed. I rolled over and mumbled "umm, hmm...come on sweetie." Still yet she let out another very loud, very shrill, high pitched screech, and proceeded to stomp her feet on the ground. "ohhh, Amie" I thought to myself "My holy freaking head is killing me! Sooo TIRED!" So I mumbled very unwillingly for Amie to come on, climb IN. The screeching and whining continued for another couple of minutes before she was able to figure how to pull herself next to me in bed. "Oh, good" I thought to myself, in reality the correct thought would have been "Oh crap!" How ever, I was feeling optimistic this morning (FYI, I am no longer feeling optimistic!). The shrill screeching and whining for her baby, then her barbie, then the dog, continued on and on, I grumbled for her to knock it off, and "if you want your barbie go GET IT!! ugg!" But, nope that wasn't good enough, nothing is ever good enough for her highness, she wanted me to get it. Ya, like that's gonna happen, I thought to myself. Being a mom some days is so freaking great, like today I wished a horrible wish that I wasn't, that Amie would POOF disappear, just for a second. But she didn't and I'm Glad that she didn't. She makes me so happy, she makes everything I do in life worth it. She uplifts a crappy day like today....
Being a stay at home mom requires some sacrifices, unless you're super rich and have loads of money however, I do not. Some times those sacrifices just catch up to you. Like mine did today. I don't know why today, but they never really bothered me before. Maybe it was the head ache or the lack of good sleep last night, but I just lost it, completely lost it! I sat on the computer looking at finances and lost it. I started sobbing and blubbering to myself, I wish I could do this and give Amie that. I felt even more like the scum on the bottom of the ocean that the bottom feeders eat when I thought to myself how selfish I was for quitting my job and staying home with Amie, for doing a triathlon, for buying running shoes. SELFISH! What kind of mom am I?? I could have used that money for diapers, for wipes, for food, but I used it on myself! I couldn't bare to look my daughter in the eye, I didn't want her to see what a crappy mom I am, could she see?? Would she notice?? After I finished talking to my husband on the phone and blubbering to him about how crappy I am, my daughter walked into the room. I stood there all puffy eyed and pitiful. "Hi, sweetie" I said wiping my eyes as I patted her on her head. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and her perfect smile and said , "Pretty mommy, ohh mommy pretty," as she hugged my leg. That's when it hit me, she loves me no matter how poor, no matter how crappy I am she will always love me unconditionally. We will always be a family not matter what. Just thinking about it now makes me tear up. We are so blessed, and I am thankful for everything I have. Which is a lot more than most.
Now, I am More Optimistic!
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