Time

Time. Time is good. Time is Bad. Time can be depressing, it can also be joyful. Time well spent makes your heart sing with joy and fills you full with satisfaction. Time lost fills your heart full of sorrow and regret, wishing you had "more time" or spent the time that you had better than you did. Everyday I feel like I'm in a constant battle with time. Everyday my daughter grows one day older. I feel her ageing before me till one day I'll look up and she's screaming at me about how much she hates me or cant stand me! Maybe I'll look up and shes graduating from high school smiling at me from the stage getting her diploma. Or, the scariest thing I think about is what if one day I look up and time has taken her from me? Time, can be so scary, it never ends, never stops and never waits. Always pushing on no matter how loud you scream and beg for a "Time Out!" like you did when you were a child playing tag. I fear time just as much as I welcome it. Always looking towards tomorrow, towards the weekend. A parent can drive themselves insane just thinking about time, I think I've gone there many times. I don't know maybe I'm a bit odd, but terrible things go through my head all the time, terrible what ifs. My mom and dad used to tell me that I could "what if my self to death", and I think I could. I know I could.

I could drive myself to tears just thinking about how scary its is, not knowing, watching time go by, and wondering what time will bring you. Nobody could have prepared me for how having a child will make you feel. Being a parent is one of the scariest things I have ever done with my life and I have done some scary things. Its like you walk around with your chest cavity wide open your heart exposed. Its so freaking scary what a child will drive you to do. I live everyday for my daughter. She keeps me motivated, she keeps me on the right path. Everything I do, I do for her so that one day she can have the best, and healthiest life possible.

Time is so precious. No amount of money can buy you time. Time, constantly ticking in my ear "tick tock tick tock" pulling at me urging me to take it all in. Yet when your a parent you feel like all your time is spent with your children. Its difficult to set even an hour aside for yourself. You almost feel a bit selfish. An hour, you selfish bastard! How could you take an hour for yourself?? Time. I have a love hate relationship with time.