Hubby

I am very blessed and I am very thankful that I am able to stay at home with my daughter and have a husband that respects and understands me enough to let me do what it is I do best. I feel like sometimes dads get the short end of the stick when it comes to that kinda stuff. Since I've started staying at home with Amie, Amie and I have a much greater bond than we ever did before. I find that Amie wants me when she feels sad or is hurt. She wants me to get her ready or change her diaper. She wants me to play with her and its not because my husband never does those things or doesn't want to do those things with her. It's because she spends so much time with me. It's because she only gets a few hours a day with daddy, and though those hours are mostly fun filled and she is thrilled to see him, she still prefers me. It does make me feel sad for my husband. I think that is makes him feel bad to sometimes. He doesn't ever say anything though, but I can sometimes see it in his eyes when she refuses to give him a hug or kiss and runs to me instead. I can't help but think that sometimes dads get a little left out. I know it breaks my heart when Amie wont come to me or give me hugs. To get rejected on a daily basis has got to be heart breaking for dads. It hurts me to see it happen.

Amie does love her daddy though. She screams when he comes home and runs to meet him at the door. She asks to kiss the picture of daddy hanging on the wall at home and talks about him during the day. She wont go to bed unless daddy has tucked her in and given her a good "Squeeze" and kisses goodnight. Amie loves her daddy very much and misses him everyday. Regardless of how Amie may sometimes act to her father I know she misses him and loves him very much. He is a huge part of her life. If he thinks its bad now, just wait till she's a tween. Let the good times roll then!

So TIERD!

Being just a stay at home mom is exhausting, but when you are an athletic and active stay at home mom like me it is even more exhausting! Right now I am in my prime, I'm 28 years old, I'm young, vibrant and must say beautiful, so why is it I am so tired? Being a stay at home mom is hardly work right? It doesn't quite qualify as a job. I don't think that a lot of people understand what a stay at home mom does all day, most think that we sit around and play all day. Well, I'm sorry to say, that, that is not the case. Not even close!

We are house keepers, the police force (keepers of the peace), personal chefs (and we don't even get tips!), personal chauffeurs , jesters (yet nobody is laughing), personal play mates, caregivers, doctors, therapists, accountants, and the dry cleaning service. Stay at home moms do all of these things yet, nobody really looks at stay at home moms as being even one of these things. If I charged for all of the things I did as a stay at home mom I would be a millionaire! Yet, I do all of these things out of the love, and kindness of my heart.

Not only do I do all of these things I also still manage to find time to train for a triathlon (which I am regretting right about now). My work outs have gotten ridiculous. Yesterday I worked out nearly two and a half hours and when I was done I could hardly move, yet I had to give Amie a bath, feed myself, put Amie to bed, then put myself to bed. But everything I do, I do because I love it so much. I am a capable person, I have no excuses. My legs work, I'm a fully functioning human being, so why not use every bit of my ability, every bit of of my energy and make something of myself? Do something that I love? I'd like to think that at some point it will get better, that maybe I wont always be this tired. I just hope that my daughter sees my drive, sees my fight, and does the same. I want her to fight for what she wants, to go out and take it.

That she doesn't quite because its "too hard". That when she sees what she wants, and wants it bad enough, and works hard enough she can have it, what ever it is.

I hope that one day I'm running races with her. I hope that one day I'm running a race with her and she passes me. I hope she excels in all that she does. I want her to see that Mom wasn't a quitter, that Mom was a fighter, and that she can be too. Yeah, I'm tired. Yeah, it sucks, for right now. But I'm happy, Amie's happy, my husbands happy and that is all that really matters ti me!

Love strokes

This morning I was sitting down and Amie walks up to me and gently strokes the side of my cheek with the palm her little hand. I looked at her kinda surprised, and as she looked at me smiling she opened her lips and softly said "Love you mommy!" I thought I was going to start bawling then and there. She has never told me that she loved me before with out me telling her first that I loved her. Then, she walked over to Daisy and stroked the side of Daisy's face and said, "Love you Daisy". Then she stroked her own cheek with the palm of her hand and said "Love you, awww!". What a sweet little girl I have raised! Just had to share!

Sea World

(sorry its taken so long to get this post up, had problems down loading pics)

The first real fun place we all went to was Sea World. I think of all the places we visited (there wasn't many) this was Amies favorite. She has a huge thing for "fishies" and boy did she get to see her fair share of them. The first fishies we saw was the Dolphins (I know these arn't really "Fish"), Amie just oooh'd and Aaaah'd at how neat they were. She had never seen Dolphins in person before, only in books! She was so excited, she giggled, pointed, and ran around looking at them shouting, "Dolphin, dolphin, oooh dolphin yeah!". As a matter of fact almost all of the fish made her laugh, smile, and jump for joy.

She absolutely loved the shows as well, we saw the seal show, the pet show and the whale show. She watched the seal show in pure amazement. The look on her face priceless, almost like she couldn't believe what she saw! I don't think she could, after we saw the huge albino seal that was twice the size of the other seals!

She also enjoyed walking down to visit the seals. We arrived right around feeding time so they were barking and grunting for food that could be purchased as the birds waited to patiently to swoop in and steal the fish. When the feeding frenzy started birds were flying everywhere! At one point a bird flew so close to me that its wing hit me in the head. Amie loved this so much, she had never seen anything like it before!

After the seal show we saw many more different types of fish. She spend most of the morning walking right up to the aquariums and pushing her face up against the glass in awe. Slowly though she became more terrified of the fish inside of the aquarium the closer it came to nap time. It got to a point where she wouldn't even go near them unless she was being held. One Animal that Amie was quite terrified of was the walrus's. They fed right up against the glass and spooked Amie so bad she began to scream! Luckily for us, soon after she passed out!

We all enjoyed Sea world very much, it was a great first visit for Amie. She has a great love for Fishies and other animals.

The Big Trip

Preface: Well, as you all know or should know I went on a long trip to CA with my daughter Amie. I had wanted to write on my blog while I was there, but...as with most vacations I got a bit lazy and decided not too. So now I will do my best to fill you all in.

Amie had gotten very excited about the big trip, I tried to explain it to her the best that I could in toddler terms (or what I call caveman language) and she seemed to understand that she was going some where and had gotten very excited to see Grandma and Grandpa. But, i don't think the reality of it all sunk in until we boarded the little pane to Chicago. The first plane flight was nothing short of torture! Before we had even boarded the plane she had started kicking, screaming and fighting me all of the way down the terminal. I turned back to look at all of the people lining up behind me and saw the tortured and spiteful looks on the faces. "Oh, God! please help me!" I begged silently as I looked down at my daughters tear stained bright red face. Getting her on the plane literally was like tyring to force a dead horse to drink water. She wanted nothing to do with it. The line of people with impatiently tapping feet behind me began to slowly get larger. With my heart beginning to race, my face turning red, and my eyes welling up with tears I carried her into the plane kicking and screaming all of the way to the back.

The wait for the plane to take off was dreadful, though we were very lucky to have our own row (she was supposed to be a lap child). She refused to stay in her seat, and tried climbing over me to run around the plane or maybe escape. She wanted to put the tray in front of us down when we were told to keep them up. She wanted to stand in her seat when we were told to sit. So I buckled her in on top of my lap and I received a very nasty look from the Steward, and reprimanded for having her buckled on my lap. I felt my self slowly vanishing to crazy town and this was only an hour flight!

Once we got in the air Amie thought that the plane was great. She loved looking out the window and instantly stopped fussing. "well," I thought to my self, "the worst is over," and I smiled. Little did I know the worst was yet to come!

Our second flight from Chicago to San Diego seemed promising. Amie had made a new friend Caleb that only a month younger than her and we only had a two hour lay over till our next flight. The kids were playing nicely, and not to mention I now had a couple of adults to talk to, things were going well for everybody. Shortly there after though, things quickly turned. We got an announcement that our flight had "Engine Problems" and we would be delayed and extra 30-40 min. Okay, no problem we all thought to ourselves. But after the 30 min, we were delayed again another hour, the problem still wasn't fixed and time kept of piling on. Soon we had waited over three hours for a total of a five hour lay over with a couple of toddlers. Yet still things seemed to be going well. After being transferred to a different flight we began to board the large and over booked plane. I was equipped with a DVD player and Amie's movies that she isn't allowed to watch at home (I was prepared for our four hour flight!).

The first two hours went rather well, Amie was watching her movies and loving it. However she began to doze off and there was no room for her to get comfy with the tray down. So I turned off the DVD player and put the tray up so Amie could relax better and that is when the Shit literally hit the fan and exploded all over the plane. Amie let out the loudest blood curdling scream I have ever heard. It echoed in the plane, ringing in my ears. She then began to scream and cry, kick and fight me. I tried to hurry put the DVD player back on but it was too late, she was too tired, and nothing i mean NOTHING made her happy! The last two hours of the flight she screamed and cried. Every now and again she would fall asleep shortly but then would try to move to get comfy, wake up and started screaming and crying all over again. My patience had warn very thin and I began silently crying to myself. I was stuck, nothing I did could or would ever make it better. I was so tired, my head felt like it had been hit with a baseball bat and my arms and legs were asleep.

Soon the flight landed and the couple with the little boy Caleb greeted us as we walked out of the terminal. They asked it that was Amie crying, I shook my head and reluctantly said yes. I was never happier to see my parents. I was so tiered, I needed relief! But since the plane had come in so late the airport had only a skeleton crew and no one to take our bags off the plane, so we waited another 45 min for my luggage! At this point I thought to myself, I would surely welcome Hell over this!