Most of the time I truly love being a stay at home mom. I love being the one to teach her all the things that she knows and watching her grow up before my eyes and not through some daycare persons eyes. I love being the one that gets to potty train her and and explore the world with her, I love just being with her. I love watching her smile, sing and dance. There is one thing that is terribly hard for me to watch though, and it is her suffering. I have watched her for a little over three days now crying in pain because she can't get comfortable because she doesn't feel good. I have watched her temp go up and down and back up again. I have watched the tears roll out of her eyes when I tell her that there is only one more bite of medicine, and she only needs to blow her nose one more time. I hate watching her like this, there is so little that I can do. It breaks my heart to shove medicine down her throat and having her fight back gaging because it tastes so bad. It kills me that she can't sleep because she is uncomfortable and she really needs to be sleeping. I hate that every time I touch her she feels so warm and I have to tell her that we can't go out and play. I hate looking at such beautiful days from inside, I hate watching Amie looking at beautiful days from inside. I hate it when Amie is sick. I hate that there is so very little that I can do for her.
But...
I do love the cuddles, loves and all the extra snuggle time. I do love that she wants me and she at least feels better when she snuggles in close to me. Soon she will be better and will want nothing to do with me again and to tell the truth, that is OK with me!
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